Sex Toys, Bondage, or Violence: Is My Partner a 'Psychopath' or Just a BDSM Addict?

Understandable concerns when encountering 'abnormal' things in your relationship

For many women, when a partner expresses sexual desires that are different from their usual experiences, such as suggesting sex toys, tying them up, or having rough sex, it can raise a big question: "Is he a psycho?"

We understand this concern, especially when a seemingly good-looking, hard-working partner (in this case, a Japanese man in his 40s) has a very high sex drive and engages in sometimes violent behavior. But what we need to understand is the difference between 'sexual orientation' and 'mental disorder'.

This article will analyze these behaviors from a psychological and relationship perspective to help you understand your partner and decide whether this taste is acceptable.

1. Taste Analysis: High Demand and Sextoy Use

Using a sex toy or having a very high sexual desire does not necessarily mean that a person is a 'psychopath':

• High Sex Drive: Men over 40 who are healthy or happy with their personal lives may have a higher than average sex drive, which is a function of hormones (testosterone) and physical fitness.

• Sex Toys Are Exciting: Bringing sex toys into a relationship indicates a desire to explore mutual pleasure and adds excitement that regular sex cannot provide.

💡 Tip: If you're just starting out, try something simple like a remote-controlled vibrating egg, which can add a little extra fun to exploring your body and your partner's, while still feeling safe and in control. Vibrating Egg Collection

2. BDSM: Violence, bondage, and clear boundaries.

"Tied up" or "rough sex" falls under the category of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) , which is a specific sexual preference, not a mental disorder , as long as there is full consent from both parties.

• BDSM is not a psychopath: BDSM is sexual role-playing that emphasizes power exchange and agreed-upon levels of pain/sensation , not acts of anger or serious harm.

• Acceptable Violence: Getting you "bruised" is part of the Pain/Impact Play category if it's acceptable and heals quickly. However, if the violence causes "bleeding" or unbearable pain, it's considered dangerous.

• Trust is key: When he reveals this preference, it shows that he trusts you and sees you as a partner who is willing to share his most intimate side.

3. What you need to define: Safe Word and Limits

As long as you feel comfortable and accept the activities you do together, it's fine. But what you need to do is create safe boundaries for yourself:

1. Set a 'Safe Word': This is extremely important! You and your partner must agree on a code word (such as 'Red', 'Stop', or 'Watermelon') that, when spoken, will immediately stop the activity, no matter how fun it is. This is to maintain your right of refusal.

2. Discuss your 'limits' before you begin: Be sure to clearly communicate how much you can tolerate (e.g., only bruises that last no more than a day) and whether there are any equipment or activities you absolutely refuse.

3. Your satisfaction: Ask yourself, "Am I truly enjoying it, or am I just indulging him?" A good sexual relationship is based on mutual pleasure. If you feel burdened, the relationship won't last.

Summary: A world of taste and understanding

As long as the sexual activity occurs with full consent and an effective safe word, these behaviors are considered sexual preferences, not mental illnesses.

More importantly, you and your partner can openly communicate your needs and limits, which is the foundation for a strong, honest, and exciting relationship.

If you're ready to explore new tastes safely and want to start with a stimulating, easy-to-control sex toy like a vibrating egg, click here to see the right products for couples:

👉Explore the BDSM Collection (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism)